Today is World AIDS Day 2008 and I couldn’t think of a better way to support the cause than to remember a friend—a friend lost to AIDS twenty years ago, the first year that World AIDS Day was introduced.
His name was Alan and I met him at a dance at the local YMCA in 1968. A high school garage band was playing that night and I remember the songs well—Louie, Louie, House of the Rising Sun, Time is on My Side—all the usuals of the time. As the evening progressed, the blond-haired, green-eyed kid was not only my dance partner, but my dance teacher, as he was an excellent dancer and I had two left feet. And he was cute…super cute.
We became good friends over the following year, and I learned that his father had died when he was very young and that he lived with his mom and older brother in the Arlandria section of Alexandria. She was a cashier at a small grocery store located on the edge of Old Town, and we used to run and play in the adjacent cemetery and storm sewer until his mom finished her shift. His dad may have been a veteran as his mom spent a lot of time with friends at the local VFW. Alan and I would stop by and play pool or just hang around, goofing off and listening to the radio. He loved to have fun and goof off…a kindred spirit.
The following year was my freshman year in high school. I was very shy, and I don’t remember exactly, but I think Alan inspired me to try out for the cheerleading squad. He had learned all of the moves from his brother’s girlfriend who had graduated the previous year. He taught me all that I needed to know to help me secure a place on the squad and on top of that, he nominated me as a homecoming court attendant. Silly stuff, but big strides for a shy girl.
Many years later I was emailing with a friend from high school and I asked her if she ever heard anything about Alan. She told me that he had died from AIDS some years back. I was so saddened by the news. I had hoped to see him again some day. Maybe I wouldn’t have seen him face-to-face, but I would’ve emailed him to find out how he was doing. If I didn’t do anything at all, still, I would have known that he was well. I know nothing of the circumstances surrounding his illness and death which is disheartening—was he surrounded with loved ones and their support? AIDS was first reported in the 80′s and wasn’t fully understood so he probably didn’t know what was happening. Was ignorance bliss as he thought he would recover, or did he realize he didn’t have long to live and wondered why at such a young age?
Besides remembering a loved, lost friend, the point is that someday, someone from your past may be thinking of you, may want to pick up the phone and call you, may want to get together and talk about old times and tell you how much they enjoyed your time together or maybe just send an email to see how you’re doing. Or you may want to do the same. Either way, you want to be around for that. You want to be able to find and be found, alive and healthy.
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Sorry to hear the bad news about your friend. Those kinds of things are always a shock.
Twitter: chrissymarie321
Holly, that is a lovely tribute. Very sad.
oh Holly, you made me cry and it’s not even 8.00 Am
My loving prayers for the Spirit that you know as Alan
Tony
Twitter: earthtoholly
Thanks, Lana. I feel for those who have lost tens of friends and family members to the dreaded disease. It must be unbearable to deal with loss in those numbers.
Thanks, Chrissy. I had planned to post some sort of tribute for Alan and this seemed to be a good time. I wish I knew more about him to tell, though.
Twitter: earthtoholly
Oh no, Tony, me making you cry makes me cry! I do hope that Alan is now at peace…just hate what he had to go through. Hopefully he wasn’t alone.
a sweet and touching tribute…(tear)
I also had a friend named Alan H. from Fairfax and we used to go to dances in FC @ St. Alban’s on Columbia Pike. We had such good times.
I know your friend is thinking of your wherever his travels have taken him. Close your eyes and you can be with him once more.
Twitter: earthtoholly
Thank you for the sentiment, Caf. :o)
Thanks Theresa…how funny that you had a “dancing” Alan also. And you keep popping up in NoVA…I’m guessing you grew up here?
I’m so sorry to hear that hun.. May his soul rest in peace!
Twitter: redheadranting
What a lovely post. I had something similar happen to a friend who I also lost touch with over the years. Those early days of AIDS were rough. I lost many friends. There is still an awful lot of work to do on the war on AIDS/HIV. Thank you for sharing your story about Alan.
Twitter: earthtoholly
Thanks Jen. It was so long ago, but you know how there are always people from your past who just stick with you. I only hope Alan and others of that time who contracted the disease had the support and understanding they deserved. Thanks for coming by!
WOW! What a beautiful story. It brought tears to my eyes and what a beautiful friendship you had. And he looks SO life-filled. This is am AMAZING tribute…I just can’t help feeling like he knows about it, and is connected to your heart.
I loved this line: “You want to be able to find and be found, alive and healthy.”
Just so true.
Hugs,
Robin
Twitter: earthtoholly
Thanks Robin…yes I hope that wherever Alan is, he knows that someone still thinks about him and misses him. So unfair that he lost his life at such a young age.
Holly – This is a beautiful and sad posting. I had a cousin who was a hemophiliac, one of the first to get Aids. He died, almost unbelievably quickly and, at 31 years of age, with exceptional dignity. His children, both of whom are HIV positive, have already lived another 20 years. . . and are healthy and happy adults.
That Alan helped you through your shyness, and helped you become a cheerleader is so, so very sweet.
Thank you for sharing this.
Twitter: earthtoholly
Thank you for your sentiment, Koe. Your comment is heartbreaking…it’s sad to have lost a friend from long ago, but even sadder to have lost a family member and especially at such a young age. It is so unfair. I’m happy to hear that his children have done well and hope that they cotinue to do so.
Twitter: craftybird
I know I’ve come to this post late but just want to tell you how moving it is, I can feel my throat closing up as I write. I haven’t yet lost anyone to this illness but I do have friends living with it and the idea of possibly losing touch then losing them alltogether is so upsetting. It reminds me that you need to keep your dear ones close.
Bird´s last blog post..Cold and frosty morning
Twitter: earthtoholly
Thank you for your touching sentiments, Bird. You’re right, keep them close now…
This is a beautifully sad post. Similar has happened to me. Last year, my charity designation was for artists with Aids. Your memories of him bring him to life here. So well-written.
hi – holly – I read this again tonight and remembered the original posting. I couldn’t remember if I left a comment when you’d posted this. As I was reading, I hoped I had. I hoped I wasn’t too shy to say that you’d written something wonderful.
[...] assault mirrors the shame and secrecy of AIDS, providing the two to co-exist. Earth to Holly shared Remembering Alan 1953—1988, a tribute to a highschool friend who instilled confidence and dance [...]
[...] is my friend, Alan, whom you may’ve read about here. He stands in my parents’ living room, probably asking advice on how the hell to attach this [...]